the english love steven seagal

i've been living in england for about three months now, and beside gambling on horse races (which i'm getting pretty good at), i've been watching a lot of steven seagal films with my horse-racing-gambling friends. we watched "under siege" last night, and "above the law" the night previous.



we got a seven disc special-edition pack from a grocery store for about £12, which includes the two aforementioned classics, along with "out for justice," "executive decision," and "exit wounds," among others, the last being perhaps my personal favorite, because it has dmx playing a hardened gangster tracking down a huge shipment of heroin through the streets of detroit. so, you know, i can relate. also, anthony anderson and eva mendes are in it, for some reason.



imdb describes seagal as "boyishly handsome," which can't be right, especially considering that casey ryback totally bangs erika elenaik at the end of "under siege". not on-screen, of course, but i think we can all agree it's implied. the film is surprisingly filled with famous actors (gary busey and tommy lee jones especially), which makes sense, considering how well-acknowledged they are on the cover of the dvd.



steven seagal is much more than his films, though, for wikipedia tells me he is also "an environmentalist, an animal rights activist and a supporter of the 14th dalai lama tenzin gyatso, and the tibetan independence movement." he also owns a dude ranch in colorado, which is a lot less hot than it sounds, and makes music videos for songs called "girl it's alright."



i appreciate the drummer's backward baseball cap, which reminds of my youth, and the song's lyrics are especially poignant, dare i say byronic, and have to be praised for their consistent use of the editorial we.


this is the kind of thing
one might see in a movie
this is the kind of thing
that inspires one's greatest poetry
out of a million chances who would have thought
i'd be this kind of lucky one
girl it's alright
girl it's alright by me


the record, "songs from the crystal cave," apparently belongs to the "outsider country-meets-world-music-meets-aikido" genre, which makes sense, i suppose.

the last word in that genre, aikido, is a form of japanese martial art, it turns out, so i can add it to the list of other great japanese exports, like sushi and hentai. i don't know anything about it, but i'm sure it's fun, as far as men tackling other men can be. but, hey, who the fuck am i, right?

when i was in high school a lot of the kids were into karate and what-not, and they would hold demonstrations of their kicking ability during assembly. i never knew these brave souls, never wanted to, but they could probably have kicked my ass, so i never said anything.



i'm all for teaching children how to fight, but it's the twenty-first century, let's be serious, and anyone who's anyone is carrying heat. my parents actually signed me up for a few karate classes when i was in elementary school, which i dutifully attended, attaining the rank of white belt with two yellow stripes. the instructor always warned us that we were never to use our new "skills" for aggression, only defense, but that if we were attacked, to respond in kind. good advice in theory, i suppose, but an idea that always brought the old "raiders of the lost ark" scenario to mind.



but i digress. seagal is an american legend in an age without heroes, and no amount of bad interviews and sexual harrassment lawsuits can change that. at any rate, he will break you arm, before breaking your neck, but if one thing is for certain, he loves children and animals.