"french toast cupcakes, or, mise-en-place is for lovers"

i had some of the ingredients left over from making funnel cakes last night (which people seemed to like, though some complained that i put on too much powdered sugar, as if there was such a thing), so i decided to make some french toast cupcakes with what i had left. it’s a pretty easy recipe, pantry staples really, and you can be rather flexible with amounts and ratios and whether or not the maple extract called for really needs to be maple, and whether, perhaps, it can be almond instead.

basically you get yourself a small bowl and a big bowl, throw some flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt into the former and mix it (barehanded, preferably, flour-powdered hands being a necessary part of the baking aesthetic), and combine eggs, butter, and sugar in the latter. the butter was a nightmare for me here. the first time i melted some and put it in the freezer, within like five minutes it was back to quasi-solid form. how it happened is a mystery of science, best left to experts. so i melted it again, and put it in the refrigerator, stirring it occasionally with the handle of a steak knife (there was dried peanut butter on the blade). this technique worked, though it required constant vigilance. the recipe i found said that if the butter is too hot it will give you scrambled eggs in the mix, but it didn’t happen to me, so i don’t know.



in the big bowl, whisk in your flour mixture, milk, and maple extract. i didn’t have any maple extract, and i’m sure as hell not paying two dollars an ounce for it (fuck you, whole foods), so i used my roommate brad’s almond extract instead. he also had lemon and “imitation butter” extracts, which i didn’t even know existed, but i guess makes sense when you think about it. once you have combined all of your ingredients, the batter should have a thick liquid slowly-fall-off-the-ladle consistency that you can easily spoon into cupcake papers, strategically located on a muffin tray, of course. i went a little overboard with the milk, cause i’m still kind of hungover, and to compensate i whisked in more flour, but then things kind of got out of hand and i can honestly say i’ve done better. but whatever, friends will still eat them and if they don’t, well then, one has ended relationships over less.



i’m kind of all over the board with how long you need to bake it, at least twenty minutes or so, but just keep checking it every so often and you should be fine. turn the oven to three hundred and fifty degrees, put the cupcakes in, and then go outside for a cigarette or something. check the laundry, i don’t know, this is a recipe for food, not life. the cupcakes should be golden brown in the end, and gently bounce back when you poke them (sans giggle). let them cool for a little bit, or pass them out right away to people you’re only semi-fond of. your call on that one. i too ate a really hot cupcake once, as an impressionable youth, and the experience was bittersweet, kind of like getting high on fumes at the dentist.



anyway, you should now have some delicious french toast cupcakes on your flour-dusted hands, a source of pride and prestige for any upright citizen. i guess this is kind of what i’ll do in the future for this blog, coupled with riveting social commentary and acute cultural criticism too, of course. at any rate, my ultimately motivating aim is to ride this paltry medium to global celebrity and a seven-figure book deal. so, you know, heads up on that.



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baking soundtrack provided by the “my maudlin career” lp by camera obscura, and the “aboa sleeping” lp by the burning hearts.

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ingredients
- one and a half cups of flour
- one and a half teaspoons of baking powder
- a half teaspoon of ground cinnamon
- a quarter teaspoon of salt
- one cup of sugar
- a half cup of butter, melted and cooled
- two eggs
- two teaspoons of maple extract
- a half cup of milk